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THE JOKE OF THE WEEK!
25 Reasons Why Alcohol Should be Served at Work!
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communication.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what managementwants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don'tcare.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15. Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.
16. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax atthe bar.
17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
18. Everyone agrees they work better after they've had a couple ofdrinks.
19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunchbreak.
20. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
21. It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.
22. The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
23. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
24. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as gross.
25. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.
Babies are a gift..... So where do we return them?
So you want to be a parent? Thinking about having children?
True preparation for parenthood at any age....
Go to the supermarket.
Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
Pick up the paper.
Read it for the last time.
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents.
Berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behavior. Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.
To discover how the nights will feel...
1. Walk around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10PM, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3 AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
THE TOP 10 SLOGANS BEING CONSIDERED
- Viagra - the quicker dicker-upper!
- One-A-Day, like iron
- Get a Piece of the Rock
- Viagra - it plumps when you take 'em
- Strong Enough for a Man, but Made for a Woman!
- Ten inches long -- and growing
- This is your penis. This is your penis on Viagra. Any questions?
As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up sex for
Lent. Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him
in this effort. The first few weeks weren't too difficult. Things got
tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest
night clothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed. The last couple
of weeks were extremely tough on the husband, so the wife took to locking
the bedroom door and forcing the husband to sleep on the couch.
Easter morning finally came. A knock came on the wife's bedroom door.
"KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!"
husband: "Guess who?"
wife: "I know who it is!"
husband: "Guess what I want?"
wife: "I know what you want!"
husband: "Guess what I'm knockin' with?"
This man and this woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can't believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe that such a rude person exists. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again. He takes his wang out and wipes the tip off. The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says,
"Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off! What the hell kind of degenarate are you?"
The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasam."
The woman then says, "Oh, how strange. What are you takingfor it?"
The man looks at her and says, "Pepper."
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